"Who am I? Where do I come from?"
These are essential questions of every persons development. Throughout history cultures the world round have looked to the elders that came before to define their culture and how to survive. Founts of knowledge that live, breath, and love among us that for one reason or another have been pushed aside in family courts. There are exceptions but the primary factors will be between the parents of the child, hopefully with all parties looking to serve the best interest of the child. To this aim do I write this blog.
How does this effect the child?
Dr. Eirini Flouri, from the Institute of Education in London, stated in a study which questioned 1,596 children aged 11-16: ‘We found that close relationships between grandparents and grandchildren buffered the effects of adverse life events, such as parental separation, because it calmed the children down. This suggests future investigations should pay more attention to the role of grandparents in developing resilience in young people.’
Got that? How bout the words of a child from that same study.
‘My grandmother basically taught us to read and write’ (15-year-old male)
'My nan is always asking if I’m getting bullied. My nanny P used to go in every time I’d come out of school crying and my nanny B would comfort me.’ (12-year-old white British female)
Another quick search showed many schools and counselors stating that grandparents having active roles in the lives of their children was directly linked to better adjusted children more able and willing to cope with the struggles of life. From a strictly logical stand point the benefits are irrefutable. Grandparents equals better life for children.
From my own experience I was allowed plenty of access to some of grandparents, well enough to have a very firm grasp and appreciation of my cultural heritage. The fact is, I lucked out in most regards. When a child is denied a grandparent, through the acts of family court or through the conscious decision of either or both parents, the child loses and no one wins. Love, advice, a confidant, and so much more is lost because someone forgot the grandparent or decided they were not important in decision making. I can't help but remember the skills my grandparents taught me that aid me so much and shudder to think of the morals and ideas that could be denied to a child. The unconditional love is worth it's own mention, I doubt anyone would purposefully deny their child that, would they?
In closing I give this suggestion; if the court did not give time to the grandparents, then make time. Don't force it but try to work with your ex on this. Remember the old adage, "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar". I found by including my ex's parents in the life of my daughter I have gained more then I ever gave up. By encouraging a few extra minutes delay on pick up and drop off so my daughter could be held by her grandmother, sending an image to make them smile, or even letting my daughter call them if she asks on the phone has come back a thousand fold. Image my surprise when I was home alone a couple weeks ago I got to video chat with my daughter because of her grandmother and grandfather? With my own mother, this has done a world of good for a strained relationship. My daughter adores her time with "Granny K" and I have become closer, appreciating the wonder that is this drastically under appreciated woman. She will one day be able to look back and remember her grandparents as well as I do my own. What better gift can there be, in the best interest of the child, than pleasant memories and unconditional love?
-Nigel Sanford; Not All Dads Are Deadbeats Member and Father of one wonderful little girl.
Though I have no affiliation with this organization I found it to be holding a world of information that I would suggest all grandparents take a look at including an easy to use search engine. http://www.grandparentsrights.org/
The study mentioned above can be found at the University of Oxford's website;
http://www.ox.ac.uk/media/news_releases_for_journalists/080604.html