Here are links for topics discussed in this video:
Childrens Law Reform Act
~ Dave Flook
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Not All Dads Are Deadbeats is North America's Leading Equal Parenting Organization that provides free support and educational resources for Parents, Grandparents and Children.
Here are links for topics discussed in this video:
Childrens Law Reform Act
~ Dave Flook
"Not All Dads Are Deadbeats" is coming up to its 6th year anniversary. It has been six long years of campaigns, promotions, interviews, answering calls, replying to emails, presentations and a few hundred other tasks that accumulate along the way.
Throughout the past six years I have met and spoken to thousands of incredibly strong people - mothers, fathers, grandparents and even teens of divorced parents. I've heard countless horror stories about parents separated from their children, being spectators in their kid's lives, or worse not seeing them at all.
Everytime I hear a parent talk about how depressed, confused, overwhelmed etc. they are it tears at me. If I had a dollar for everytime I spoke with a parent who confided in me that they often felt like taking their own lives - I'd be quite wealthy by now.
To call this self-appointed position "emotionally draining" is a severe understatement.
I always say we are in this together. I believe we really are. Our goal is to change the climate of our culture. We are not JUST up against the family courts specifically. We are not JUST up against a feminist-agenda. It is ALL the elements working together that we need to correct.
It is my assertion that we have to do this one person at a time. One door at a time. One person in need at a time.
If in those last six years of my life there was even just ONE person who called me and the conversation we had made his day a little easier - then for me - it was all worth it.
I wanted to write this little blurb tonight just to say please never count yourself out or your ability to make things better. If you see someone on Facebook who is struggling, why not send him/her a quick message to say "I am here for you. You are not alone".
Nobody expects you to be on the front-lines, give up time with your family for equal parenting organizations etc. However, if our goal is to change the climate of our culture it ALL starts with us.
Here is my little confession - there is a period of time (at least once a month) where I just feel like walking away. Sometimes my campaign ideas don't work. Sometimes I realize how much time I take away from my life to focus on NADADs. Sometimes I just get worn out - physically and mentally.
Then a random NADADs member sends me an email or facebook message saying "Thank you Dave for everything you do" and I'm reminded of the importance of my actions.
I know Ill never stop doing what I do.
David Bowie once sang, "We can be hereos, for just one day".
I think we all are.
~ Dave Flook
Guest Blog By: Nigel Sanford
"Who am I? Where do I come from?"
These are essential questions of every persons development. Throughout history cultures the world round have looked to the elders that came before to define their culture and how to survive. Founts of knowledge that live, breath, and love among us that for one reason or another have been pushed aside in family courts. There are exceptions but the primary factors will be between the parents of the child, hopefully with all parties looking to serve the best interest of the child. To this aim do I write this blog.
How does this effect the child?
Dr. Eirini Flouri, from the Institute of Education in London, stated in a study which questioned 1,596 children aged 11-16: ‘We found that close relationships between grandparents and grandchildren buffered the effects of adverse life events, such as parental separation, because it calmed the children down. This suggests future investigations should pay more attention to the role of grandparents in developing resilience in young people.’
Got that? How bout the words of a child from that same study.
‘My grandmother basically taught us to read and write’ (15-year-old male)
'My nan is always asking if I’m getting bullied. My nanny P used to go in every time I’d come out of school crying and my nanny B would comfort me.’ (12-year-old white British female)
Another quick search showed many schools and counselors stating that grandparents having active roles in the lives of their children was directly linked to better adjusted children more able and willing to cope with the struggles of life. From a strictly logical stand point the benefits are irrefutable. Grandparents equals better life for children.
From my own experience I was allowed plenty of access to some of grandparents, well enough to have a very firm grasp and appreciation of my cultural heritage. The fact is, I lucked out in most regards. When a child is denied a grandparent, through the acts of family court or through the conscious decision of either or both parents, the child loses and no one wins. Love, advice, a confidant, and so much more is lost because someone forgot the grandparent or decided they were not important in decision making. I can't help but remember the skills my grandparents taught me that aid me so much and shudder to think of the morals and ideas that could be denied to a child. The unconditional love is worth it's own mention, I doubt anyone would purposefully deny their child that, would they?
In closing I give this suggestion; if the court did not give time to the grandparents, then make time. Don't force it but try to work with your ex on this. Remember the old adage, "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar". I found by including my ex's parents in the life of my daughter I have gained more then I ever gave up. By encouraging a few extra minutes delay on pick up and drop off so my daughter could be held by her grandmother, sending an image to make them smile, or even letting my daughter call them if she asks on the phone has come back a thousand fold. Image my surprise when I was home alone a couple weeks ago I got to video chat with my daughter because of her grandmother and grandfather? With my own mother, this has done a world of good for a strained relationship. My daughter adores her time with "Granny K" and I have become closer, appreciating the wonder that is this drastically under appreciated woman. She will one day be able to look back and remember her grandparents as well as I do my own. What better gift can there be, in the best interest of the child, than pleasant memories and unconditional love?
-Nigel Sanford; Not All Dads Are Deadbeats Member and Father of one wonderful little girl.
Though I have no affiliation with this organization I found it to be holding a world of information that I would suggest all grandparents take a look at including an easy to use search engine. http://www.grandparentsrights.org/
The study mentioned above can be found at the University of Oxford's website;
The Hero Project is a photo documentary on custodial dads / single father households. The project will explore the fundamentals of a single father household. From this page you can get updates on the project.
Khaaliq Thomas is a professional photographer, custodial father of 3 children and is recently divorced. For the past year he has been working on a photo documentary concentrating on single/custodial father households.
Purpose of The Project
The project will challenge the belief of fathers being incapable, unwilling, and or inadequate in performing responsibly, productively and lovingly as a single / custodial parent.
Attention will be given to the dedicated ability of these dads and their commitment to raising productive children and supplying a stable home on their own. The finished project will consist of a 110 page full color photo book. I’m using Kickstarter to raise the funds to search for more dads through advertising, print and design of the book and setting up exhibitions of the final project.
How You Can Help
I need your help in spreading the word about the March 7, 2013, Kickstarter fundraiser in order to get the project to the public and share in the experience of a single father household through this project. I’m asking for your help in support of the project by spreading the word on your websites, blogs or anyway you can.
Join the dedicated facebook page and help this project:
The video above was shown during the introduction to our very successful event entitled "Protecting Yourself In Family Court, which was held in Sarnia, Ontario on Feb. 21st 2013
During the event we covered various topics including: lawyers, how the courts determine the best interest of the child, how to record your own court trial, CAS and much more!
We would like to take this event on the road and are looking into accommodations in other cities. Be sure to stay tuned to this website for further updates.
We will be holding a NADADs follow up meeting on Feb 26th 2013 at the downtown library meeting room (enter the theatre entrance) in Sarnia Ontario. This will be a general NADADs meeting and you will be able to ask questions / seek advice. The meeting time will be from 6pm-8pm however I will be there from 5pm-9pm if you wanted to come early or stay late.
Incredible new resource now available!
Big NADADs Announcement!!
Not All Dads Are Deadbeats is VERY proud to be relaunching our very own Social Network feature (http://www.notalldadsaredeadbeats.com/index.php/nadads-community)
We have opened up the website membership sign ups. Now, you are able to easily sign in with your facebook account (this is secure and does not link back to your FB profile) OR create an account on the website.
Once you have signed in you will be taken to the NADADs Community - our very own social network.
On here you will be able to:
Your updates will be featured on the front page of the NADADs website.
NADADs will still be using the dedicated facebook page for our updates however we will be focusing on our own Social Network very heavily from now on as it gives our members FAR more options over facebook.
We here at NADADs pride ourselves on being on the cutting edge of technology and introducing new and unique tools that are free to use to our members. Our exclusive Social Network is one of MANY incredible features that NADADs offers.
Sign up today and let your voice be heard!
(please note that new accounts MUST be created - all previous NADADs accounts were not migrated over to the new systems).
~ Dave Flook
Guest Blog By: Colin Family Mediation
Most children do not want their parents to get divorced. They may feel angry, depressed, and/or scared. It may take them some time to regain their sense of security. Most, however, are resilient. They learn to cope with the changes in their lives.
Lasting damage results not primarily from the divorce itself but from what happens before, during, and after the divorce. High conflict between the parents, especially if it occurs where the child can see or hear it, does a lot of damage. That is why courts routinely tell divorcing couples not to disparage the other parent in front of the child. Complain to your friends in privacy as much as you need to, but avoid criticizing the other parent in front of your child.
(article repost - originally written in 2010)
There is a Latin phrase that I am quite fond of. It is Si vis pacem, para bellum. It translates to “If you wish for peace, prepare for war” or to simplify “peace through strength”.
I feel there is a lot to be said about taking the high road and to lead by positive example - approach conflict with empathy and understanding and above all whenever you can wage peace.